I sit every morning sipping my green breakfast smoothie. The scene before me is our backyard - large, open,and pleasantly green from summer rains. A variety of birds chatters and flies about eating seeds and bugs. My cat Monty is on my lap receiving his morning massage of love and affection. The sun is warm and nurturing. The morning breeze is comforting. I gaze at our incomplete Fibonacci spiral garden in the middle of our back yard and I literally shake with fear.
Both Graeme and I have longed to grow vegies. We yearned for the feeling of soil on our hands, feeling its texture and potential of life between our fingers. Our hearts were saddened at our attempts to grow vegies in the rainforest failed because our lack of experience, a greedy brush turkey and constant torrential rain (blame, blame, blame!!!).
God heard our desires and prayers. We moved to our new place with a huge back yard and drier weather. We have been given permission to use the land to grow vegetables by the landlord. So now we have space to bring into reality our desire to grow our own food and share with our community. We have green lights to go ahead. No excuses, right!
Soon after we moved in, we gratefully gathered donated bricks from our neighbour’s. We purchased good organic veggie soil. We enthusiastically built a small (safe) garden around the tank. I relished releasing my anger and frustration through the assault of the mattock clearing the grass. I have personally found anger to be a great energy for creation. So far our small garden around the tank is flourishing magnificently. We are succeeding!
But why so small when we have a big back yard as a blank canvas for us to grow our bigger desires. Hmmm...easy right...so after a few weeks why haven't we progressed with our bigger plans?
Our bigger plans arrived after we attended a permaculture workshop and obtained information of Fibonacci planting. Fibonacci numbering series is God's mathematical system to grow life.
We set up the border ready for us to take our desires to the next step. Then nothing. Yes, we have many excuses, travel, heat, and other distractions. But when you have a desire, a passion, you find time for it, don't you. It becomes a focal point of your intentions and actions. Passion is energy, passion is direction, and passion is creative, so why have we not moved forward on this? Why the procrastination? What is stopping us, what is stopping me to taking my desires to the next level?
The short answer is FEAR! False Expectations Appearing Real. Fear of failure, fear of failing God, fear of maths, fear of being stupid, fear of power to create my desires, fear of self sufficiency, fear of giving up addictions of relying on others, fear of having it taken away from me, fear of getting into trouble from the landlord. I realise I don't trust myself with God's power of creation and I am sure there is a bigger list of fears and judgements of self. Phew, I didn't realise such a pattern on the lawn could bring up so many emotions.
So how do I get over my block? It is time for me to feel deeply into my soul, to feel my emotions, my fear, my frustration without applying self punishment. I apply action by flowing my tears, to tantrum, scream, laugh, shake, sing, dance, and breathe while I pick up the shovel. I have an invitation to discover my personal truth and God's truth, to discover God's Laws of Creation and Order. God has given me these Fibonacci numbers to learn how to truly garden, to grow my desires, to weed my untruths so I can fully flourish and bloom. So I can know myself, know God; to share and connect, to relate, to interconnect with all other beings and elements on this earth and universe. God is showing me the way to be an intricate part of Her One Garden.
This is just not any garden, any little 'ole pattern upon the lawn, it’s big, it needs faith, courage and humility.
So let's get started Christiana!!!
