Monday, April 12, 2010

Make Tears Matter

When was the last time you cried? Or have you been crying endlessly and don't know when you are going to stop?

When I look over my life there has been so much to cry about, so much grief. There were times when I crawled into my bed with a beach towel. I cried and cried until the beach towel was sodden, but things didn't seem to get better. I stopped only because I was sick and tired of crying. I was left confused as I had been told that tears were healing, an emotional bath washing away saddness, but for me no matter how much I cried, I didn't heal.

At the other end of the scale, I know people who simply don't cry, they can't seem to bring themselves to allow the flow to happen - an emotional drought so to speak. It seems there is an awaiting trophy not to cry, to be tough and smile our way through this healthy I ask?

These two polarities have a common link - numbness!

We are a soul with desires, passions, intentions, personality, memories and emotions. We are designed to be emotional. Crying is a natural clearing process of our emotional debris to ensure we remain balanced and harmonious opening space to fully receive from our creative source. If this is true, then why didn't all my tears help heal me? The answer - although I was crying - I wasn't feeling! I was crying with numbness. My numbness was not allowing me to access the cause of the problem in order for me to fully resolve it. 

Now when I cry, it is different. When the emotions rise, I gently ask God to guide me to full feeling awareness of my core wound, to go right into the centre of it, a bit like going into the eye of a storm. I allow myself to feel the pain knowing that this will apply purpose to my emotions. This is the shift you see; before I was crying without purpose, aimlessly thrashing about in the tub without going anywhere, not solving a thing. Now I cry with purpose and feeling with the focus to become aware of the true reason for my sadness. I do this by going into the pain and not running away from it. Once I cry for truth, I finally clear the problem once and for all. The critcal key to this process is that it is a FEELING event, it's not a mind event. Intellect alone is not going to solve emotional problems, feeling them will.

This process takes patience, courage and self love; allowing the truth of the matter to be revealed when it's ready, when I am ready. Eventually, sometimes quickly, other times it takes a few hours or so to connect to the cause, then bingo! This is the revelatory stage, aha moments; it feels so good with a sense of freedom, liberation and usually laughter when I see what I was so scared to see, turns out to be something much less and more manageable than I expected. The funny insight is that often I have been running away from the pain for years, often being "disabled" by it, but when I feel it I can "finish it" quickly, once and for all. 

On the other side, not crying, holding emotions takes a lot of strength, distraction and extreme numbness. Obesity, illness, depression, chronic fatique, addictions etc are strategies of distraction in order for us not to feel emotions. Much belief is embedded in this behaviour; "boys don't cry", "emotions are a sign of weakness", "get over it" , "fake it til you make it" are usually the mantras that play constantly. Our soul has a strategy to overcome our avoidance, to break down the steel walls imprisioning our emotions through our Law of Attraction, by throwing every obstacle in our path in an attempt for us to surrender our vice grip control. Key feelings of frustration, anger, deperation or despair are common emotions to open the door of vulnerability. To become vulnerable is the greatest challenge because it feels like failing, however, vulnerability is the powerful key to healing and transformation.  If all this chipping away doesn't work then usually it takes a mack truck experience to break through the barriers.

Allow the feeling, otherwise the scenario will return again and again until ultimately we surrender as the strong will and control lose all power. This is when it can get out of control.

Crying is not weakness, it is strength, allowing your natural cycles of emotions to flow. Think of emotions being like the weather, sometimes sunny, followed by clouds, rain and storms, then the sun comes out again. One could say it is like a storm in a teacup. Watch children deal with their emotions. They are honest and transparent, usually they don't spend much time in any one emotion.  Learn from this.

Allowing yourself to cry is an act of self love. Letting go of expectations placed on us by others and yourself, allows you to be true to self. 

If you feel you cannot do this alone then seek help from a skilled counsellor such as Journey practitioners or other related healers. The KEY is to avoid mind based strategies and engage body/heart/feeling based techniques so you can be encouraged to truly feel your emotions and to clear your wounds once and for all. 

One Garden Divine Flower and Nature Essences will also help guide and support you during your healing process. Divine Self Love, Royal Heart (Lincoln) and Divine Truth are good essences to start your feeling journey. Book in for a consultation - face to face, email, phone, skype

Go on, have a good cry, do it with feeling and you'll be surpsied how much your body, daily life and Law of Attraction change for the better.